I feel like I have been like an endless journey since the beggining of the year.
January was an incredibly challenging month filled with self doubts; ending being crashed by a car.
The following month were dedicated to heal my leg and my mental health. However; the temporary move due to the water damage impaired this process and threw furthermore my already fragile mental health downhill. Losing my markers; moving to a part of the city that feels unsafe; in a walk up building; were additional challenges.
The last month was marked by high stress and anxiety triggered by the move and the absence of my partner (for work purposes). A bug invasion; due to the warmer weather; triggered an intense OCD response for two weeks.
Last friday; I moved back home. The one I feel safe in. Comfortable. Tiny and cozy. Except now it’s nicer and newer.
Since moving back; I’ve felt this peace wash over me. A tension lifted from my shoulders. It doesn’t erase all of the anxiety and doubts from the past months; but I feel like a chapter just closed.
A chapter of decay; hopelessness and uncertainty. I don’t have all the answers today but some aspects feel stronger. Some resolutions were made. Some regressions too. I forgot how to take care of myself; how to question my thoughts; how to shut down the mind chaos. I let obsessive thoughts fill my head without any way out.
Since coming back; exhaustion washed over me. My body is sore; my head hurts. Getting my furbaby today will definitely do me some good. My mood goes up and down; but at least I know I won’t be moving around for a while now. I have a space to collect my pieces, my thoughts and tie myself back together.
So as May started; summer is definitely coming along with the rebirth of nature, I feel at the end of a journey; but also at the beggining of a new one.
Like Tolkien wrote so well; « There and back again »
I hope this month; you take time to reflect on the first half of the year; make yourself accountable and see where the rest of the year takes you.
I hope the future holds nice surprises and adventures for us.
Until next time; take care.
Catherine aka the Cynical Mermaid